Depressed
by OneTreeHillgirl23
Summary: A Naley ONESHOT based on spoilers from season 5! It's written from Nathan's POV. If you don't wanna know any spoilers, don't choose this one! If you do, check this out!


**I wanted to write a ONESHOT about the spoilers from season 5... so I did. lol**

**It's all about Naley and it's from Nathan's POV, just so you know. If you haven't read spoilers and don't wanna know how things are for Naley at this point, don't read this story. **

**If you have seen the Naley sneak peak from episode 502 you're gonna recognize some quotes from there, along with a scene from the sides for episode 501. Okay I'm gonna stop babble know, here's the story:**

She was doing something behind me but I wasn't interested. I didn't care so I just continued watching tv. That was what I was pretending to do anyway. I was really just sitting there lazily, feeling sorry for myself.

Now she said something too. I shut the noise out and tried to focus on the tv. Whatever it was that she was saying, it couldn't be good.

The guy on the tv-show said something funny and the fake audience laughed. I tried to concentrate on it but couldn't find it funny at all.

I never considered anything funny these days. Hell, I never even smiled.

"Are you even...!" It's funny. It IS funny, I tried telling myself.

"Nathan!" She was yelling now and I couldn't fake to be death any longer. I dragged my gaze from the tv and focused on her angry face.

I thought she was gonna start yelling like hell when she finally had my attencion but she fell quiet when I looked at her. Maybe she was just shocked to see me focusing on anything at all. I tried to read her expression but failed.

Was it pity? Anger? Disgust? Or perhaps, all three of them?

She stared into my eyes. Maybe she was trying to see an actual person in there. Maybe she was searching for her once loving and caring husband? I've been doing that myself lately. When I weren't watching tv or getting drunk, that will say.

She opened her mouth to say something just as our four year-old son, Jamie came rushing into the room. He looked at me for a split second before he excitedly showed his mommy the picture he had drawn.

"It looks great, Jamie." She smiled and stroke his cheek.

"Do you think daddy wants to see it?" He asked, watching me carefully.

"I don't know. Show it to him."

They were talking about me as if I wasn't present. As if I was somewhere else, forever lost...

"Look, daddy." He held it up to my face and looked proud. There was silence.

"It's the sun and that's your car and..."

"I see what it is." I interuppted maybe a bit too harsh, he looked scared. I was just so sick of everyone trying to help me all the time.

I was a bit depressed maybe, not retarded.

"Sorry." He mumbled and went over to Haley who picked him up. She gave me a nasty look as they went out to the kitchen.

I could hear them make dinner and laugh out there. Hear Jamie's soft giggles when Haley dropped a glas on the floor and then his paniced laughter when she chased after him with the besom.

She sent Jamie to announce that it was dinner later, he didn't even make eye-contact. Just mumbled it to my knees and sped of as fast as he could. See? Even my own son feared me.

I didn't show up for dinner, it's not like they wanted me there anyway. I poured myself a large whiskey instead. Swept it in a few seconds and then poured another one. I kept drinking and pouting for ages until something hit me in the head.

I realized that Haley had hit me, she was now standing infront of me, furious.

"What the hell is the matter with you!?" I didn't answer. I didn't have an answer.

"You know what!? Jamie is soooo upset with you because you don't tell him goodnight anymore! I can barely get him in bed, less to go to sleep! And you do what!? Nothing! Nothing, Nathan!" And she stormed out of the room, leaving me with her words ringing in my ears.

She went upstairs, I could hear her sobbing. And in that moment it hit me. She wasn't gonna put up with this anymore.

She was going to leave me.

Leave me.

Alone.

Alone, alone, alone...

It kept echoing in my head until I wanted to scream or bang my head into a wall. I took a few deep breaths, trying to steady myself.

I could feel the panic starting to rise inside. I needed to see her. Explain myself. Now.

I walked up the stairs quietly. Looked into Jamie's room. He was fast asleep, cuddling with his superman toy in his sleep.

I could see Haley on our bed. She was reading the book I gave her last christmas.

"I'm sorry."

She looked up from her book, clearly shocked to see me there. I slept down in the guestroom nowadays, no one wanted me upstairs.

She remained silent.

"I just...I don't know what I'm doing these days."

"Nothing. You see that's the problem, Nathan. You're not doing anything. You just sit around, drink and completly ignores me and Jamie."

I could tell by her voice how much this all hurt her. But didn't she think of me?

She just couldn't see it.

"You don't get it, do you!? I used to be somebody, Haley. Do you understand that!? Do you understand what that means!? I used to be Nathan Scott and I was great. And I should have walked away. I know that! And I didn't do it! And now I'm nothing! And I have nothing!"

She had clearly started to soften by my honest outburst but at the last statement she fired up again.

"You have nothing!? You have a beautiful son, who's here! I am here!"

I already knew that. A long pause followed. I didn't know what to say. Or do. A part of me wanted to sneak back downstairs and get wasted again. But another part of me wanted to kiss her so badly. We hadn't shared ONE kiss in God knows how long.

In fact, no one had done something nice to me in months. But I couldn't blame them.

"Get out of the room now. I warn you, if you don't change Nathan, you're gonna get to experience what it's like to have nothing!"

She sounded serious, plus, this wasn't the kind of thing that you'd joke about.

So even though it broke my heart to leave her, I looked down and walked downstairs again, even more depressed now then before.

If that was even possible.

SEASON5SEASON5SEASON5SEASON5SEASON5SEASON5SEASON5SEASON5SEASON5SEASON5SEASON5SEASON5SEASON5

I woke up early the next morning, all thanks to Jamie who was yelling across the house:

"Moooooooomy! I'm going outsiiiiiiide!"

"Yeah do that, sweetie." Came from the kitchen.

"But stay around the house, okay?"

"Yeeeaah." And then a slam from the frontdoor.

I got up from bed and caught a look of myself in the mirror. I barely rekognized myself anymore. With my long, shaggy hair and beard you could have easily taken me for a hobo. My face looked harsh and showed no emotion. And my eyes...I could've sworn that they were black.

She didn't move when I entered the kitchen.

She didn't say anything when I poured myself some milk and accidently poured some on the floor too.

She didn't even look at me when I choked on the milk and started coughing like crazy...

When I had re-gained my breathing again, all teared-eyed, she just turned a page in her magazine and completly ignored me.

I wanted to scream with frustration, I wanted to say: What if I would have suffocated!?

But I said nothing, just took my glass of milk and went over to the kitchen window.

Jamie was happily shooting hoops outside. It made me jealous. No, scratch that. It made me very jealous and angry.

Where did he even get it? It wasn't there the last time I checked.

He made a basket and jumped around, clearly imagining a wild croud cheering for him.

"Where did he get the hoop?"

"His uncle Lucas gave it to him." She answered without taking her eyes of the magazine.

"I don't want him playing."

"Nathan, he's a kid who wants to be like his daddy. Why don't you go out there and show him..."

"I said, I don't want him playing!" I didn't know where my rage came from, but suddenly I was furious.

"Oh my god, I can't believe this. I can't believe this. Last night you told me you were sorry and I even gave the consequences to you and you still don't change! God help you, Nathan. God help you."

And with that she was gone. She spent the next 4 hours picking and packing, all the time mumbling to herself:

"It's for the best. It's for the best..."

I don't know what I was doing. I was just watching her, heartbroken, thinking: This can't be happening...

After 4 hours the whole house was almost completly empty. She had taken the most of her and Jamie's stuff and I didn't own that much myself.

Jamie had come in again and was confused by his mommy's unusual actions. He didn't get what was going on. But his mommy told him to say goodbye to me and then go out to our car.

"Bye daddy. Are we going on a vacation without you?" He looked questionatly at me. I didn't know what to say, so I just shrugged.

He smiled, waved and then walked out the door. Apperantly he had forgotten all about yesterday seeing as he was so nice to me.

Haley watched him get into the car before she turned to me.

"Well, I'll...I'm...I'll be in touch." She didn't dare look me in the face.

I tried to put my arms around her but she gently pushed them away.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"I'm so sorry."

My throat was burning, my eyes were burning, I couldn't get the words out. The words I so desperatly needed to say...

"Haley..." I managed to choke out before my voice cracked.

She took my hands in hers and finally looked into my eyes.

"I'm so sorry it had to come to this, Nathan. I really am. I didn't want this."

She had tears in her eyes and I'm pretty sure I had too.

"I have to go. But you'll always be in my heart, remember that."

I felt powerless. I felt numb. I couldn't do anything to stop this now, it was real.

She hugged me and kissed my cheek.

She wiped away my tears with her thumb and lovingly whispered in my ear:

"Goodbye, Nathan."

When she broke away from me, took my hands away from herself and turned her back on me, I thought I was already dead.

I felt nothing inside. My soul was gone, my emotions had all vanished. I didn't even have tears coming down my cheeks any longer, I just stood there watching her leave but didn't quite register it. It was too unreal. She had started crying by the looks of it, her shoulders were shaking.

I wanted to walk over there but my legs weren't working. She had stopped in the doorframe to try and calm down.

She took a deep breath before slowly turning around, facing me again.

It felt like years had passed before she actually said something. Three simple words was all I got before she hurried out the door, as if scared to change her mind. But those three words almost had me smiling for a second before all my pain came back to me.

But they still weren't enough to keep me from falling apart completly and cry loudly. I felt my face on the floor all of a sudden. I must have fallen.

I couldn't control my emotions anymore so the tears kept rolling down my cheeks as I kept hearing her words again and again in my head:

"Always and forever."

**Just to clearify: Nathan and Haley DOES NOT break up from what I know...That's not in the spoilers...**

**Just wanted to let ya all know that...Please review!!**


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